Confidence

I didn’t have much confidence growing up. I was a shy kid, but I think confidence has been in me, it just took a while because I would always seek validation from external sources, which I think is normal when you’re growing up. You’re learning and going through different seasons and trying to figure out life, and also I got bullied in school which definitely took away my confidence. I had no confidence, no self-esteem and it was really difficult at times to keep a smile on my face and put one foot in front of the other. 

My confidence has definitely grown over the past couple of years and it makes me so happy to not only write it out but also say it out loud. I feel as though my confidence isn’t necessarily in anything I say, I think it’s more with how I move through life. It’s in the way I walk or how I fix my hair. It’s my posture and how I sit peacefully by myself. I just know that I’m good and I got this, even when I’m having a bad day and I’m struggling. It’s not cockiness, I just know that I’m okay or that eventually I am going to be okay. 

I was definitely a people pleaser, especially going through high school. I still am a little bit now, but it’s not like it was before. Now at the age of 25, I’m setting boundaries and I’m telling people exactly what I need and being firm in that, so that is definitely giving me confidence and is such a huge part in my growth as a person and as a woman. It’s something I’m working on but I feel like I am slowly getting there. It’s a process.

The more I stand my ground, set boundaries and say no to things that I don’t want to do, it empowers me and I really love the way that feels. 

There are also certain artists and songs that make me feel confident. I love music and truly don’t know what I’d do without it.  ‘On My Mama’ by Victoria Monet is honestly one of my go-to songs when I need a confidence boost. Doja Cat makes me feel confident, and Beyonce, Beyonce always.

A lot of my confidence now is inspired by my mum. My mum is a very strong, independent, hard-working woman and she puts up with a lot of shit from people, now that is probably not the word she would use so if she reads this I’m sorry mum. I think in her mind she was helping people. But, growing up I saw a lot and I saw my mum putting her foot down, standing firm in what she says and not allowing people to walk all over her and seeing that as a little girl, I was there thinking, “Woah, but good for mum”.  

The more I get to know myself and the more secure I am with myself, the more my confidence grows. Don’t get me wrong, I have those days and moments where I don’t feel confident but just like I do in life, I keep it movin’ and sometimes you’ve just gotta fake it. 

I just have to focus on myself, have trust in my decisions, and continue learning about myself. When you know who you are, there is nothing anyone can say that can rock me or shake me up because I know who I am and it’s such a good feeling, so that’s what I’m working towards.

This year for me is about flourishing, thriving, standing my ground and not accepting less than I deserve. 

I am going to take every step forward with full confidence, and I hope you reading this, does too.