dealing with grief

My family and I have gone through a really tough time recently, and had a lot of terrible news this year. I’m not going to go into detail when it comes to what happened, but I just want to talk about how I personally have dealt with grief over these past couple of months. 

I feel like grief is a constant wave. It’s always there in the back of your mind and in your heart, and sometimes at random moments it can just hit you and come over you in a really intense way. It never really goes away. I think it just gets to a point where enough time has passed where you start to feel better and keep moving forward in order to live your life to the fullest, but it’s not easy. 

Losing two people so quickly in such a short amount of time was a huge wake up call because I think we sometimes forget that this happens. We’re living life, trying to achieve our goals and having a good time but we forget that we can lose people we love at any moment. 

There are some people that hold it together and are able to just keep it moving, but for me, I needed a minute or two to process it because it was a lot. It felt like I cried my heart out and I didn’t want to speed up the process of grief. 

I deal with grief by allowing myself to feel it. All of it. When you’re grieving, you go through so much and you’re feeling so many different emotions all at the same time, and that was definitely the case for me. While trying to get my head around what just happened, I was asking myself a million questions and was just trying to process everything. 

As much as I wanted to feel all the emotions, I didn’t want to be sad for too long, but I realised that it’s okay to take some time out, to just be at home and be okay with feeling all the emotions that come with grief.  

In my mind, I was thinking “okay, I have to go to work”, but I quickly learned that wasn’t the priority. I went into the office thinking that it would be a good distraction, but as soon as I sat down at my desk I immediately started crying and just it showed me that it doesn’t matter how many things I have to get done or how many emails are in my inbox, the grief is there and it’s not just going to disappear because you have so many things on your to-do list.

If someone were to ask “how are you doing?” I'd respond with “I’m okay” but truthfully my heart was hurting and I was so sad. When I hear the words “she’s gone” or “he’s gone”, my body goes numb, my stomach goes into a knot and my heart tenses up. 

I really make it a priority now to be present and to not let my concerns and my worries suck the joy out of my life. What I’ve learned from this situation is to not take life for granted and to make an effort to see my family, my friends and life. Nothing is guaranteed in life, and I think it’s important to let go of things and people that do not serve you.

Tomorrow is not promised. At the end of the day our lives matter. Be kind, love your people and hold them tight.