Emotional support

This is hard to talk about because I know for fact that I’ll get upset and probably start crying, which is probably not a bad thing. I feel like I need a good cry to let it out, but if you’ve read more than one of my blog posts, you’ll know that writing is the first step for me to get through anything in life. 

I know when someone thinks of emotional support, a lot of things come to mind so I just want to explain what I mean when I say emotional support. 

For me, when I say emotional support, I mean having people take the time to understand my feelings, listen to what I have to say and hear me out, instead of jumping to conclusions and invalidating my feelings. 

I got told that crying is my weakest quality and that has stuck with me. It’s kind of always at the back of my mind so now whenever I cry, no matter what it’s about, I always try to stop myself because I don’t want to be seen as weak. 

But then you hear people say that there’s strength in vulnerability and it took me a while to fully understand what that meant. For me personally, any time I show vulnerability, I am showing my authenticity and a hell of a lot of truthfulness. It’s a lot and it’s hard, but it’s genuine. 

Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to cry because I was having a bad day (at times that’s what it felt like). I was expected to get up and keep going, and I think for my parents, when they were growing up that’s exactly what they did. I don’t think they took a minute to sit, feel and just be with their feelings. And that’s where I’m different. 

I have to allow myself to feel otherwise it’ll come out in ways that are way worse. I do keep it movin’ though, I keep going and that is one of the things I love about myself. Having that ability to pick myself up when I’m at my lowest has empowered me and made me so strong. 

There were so many times growing up where I felt like no one cared. I didn’t get any reassurance therefore I didn’t feel important. A lot of the time I just needed a hug. I didn’t want to hear that there were people out there who have it worse than I do, I didn’t need to be lectured, I just needed to be held. 

It upsets me that this is how it was for me growing up, and obviously when you’re a kid and you're in it, you don’t really take much notice. You’re doing what you need to do and what you’re told and I certainly think that was how it was for me, but when I became more aware, I was able to see just how much I was affected by it. It would come out in my attitude and I would just be in these moods where I felt it was me against the world.

I didn’t hear “it’s going to be okay”. I’ve really just had to be there for myself, and now I’m the one reminding myself that everything is going to be okay when I’m having a bad day or I’m feeling a bit off. 

I don’t like to make a big deal out of things and when I’m upset and have been crying, I feel as though I have to just get on with it and keep going. I’m always like “I’m good”, when I’m very clearly not okay. 

I’m a work in progress, and I am going to continue to wear my heart on my sleeve while giving myself grace, because at the end of the day I’m not perfect and I’m going to make mistakes. 

I’m human and I’m doing the best I can.