just wanted more attention
“Do you feel like you got enough attention growing up?”
Me: *sighs*
…
Growing up there was a lot going on and when you’re little, you don’t really understand what other people are going through and the impact it can have when it’s all happening, which I think can be a good thing especially when you’re little. There are just certain things that I didn’t need to know at the age of 7, which is fine and now in my mid-20’s, I understand.
However, I feel like I didn’t get as much attention as I would’ve liked when I was little. There were things happening within my family, and there was more attention towards another situation or problem that someone else was having, instead of what was going on with me.
For example: one time I had a dance concert and when it finished, my family were waiting for me outside and when I saw them, I could tell that something had happened because my mum was on the phone and she had this look on her face (a look that I know very well).
You know that warm and fuzzy feeling where your parents are like, “good job, I’m so proud of you.” In that moment, where I not only wanted to hear it but needed to hear it, I didn’t because something else was happening that seemed more important, but being how I was as a kid, I dealt with it and reminded myself that while they didn’t say it, I know that they were proud and thought I did a good job, but yes, it would’ve been nice to hear. I remember feeling a little bit upset at the time, but I just got on with it, and that’s also I how I was raised, with that whole ‘gotta pick yourself up and keep going’ mentality.
There were also just moments when I needed a bit more encouragement and emotional support. Times where I just needed a hug and didn’t get one or sometimes I’d get a hug, but it would be quick, the moment was rushed, and I was there, having to be my own emotional support. At times, I felt that I wasn’t a priority because of some of the family stuff that was going on.
When things were a bit hectic at home and there was a lot of noise, I tried to just stay out of the way and not make it harder for people, so when I would get told to go to my room, I rarely saw it as a punishment, I quite enjoyed it.
The world doesn’t revolve around me, I know and as wise as I was as a kid, I knew it back then too, but the little girl inside of me just wanted more attention.