Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries has become my new favourite thing to do. I am learning now at 26 years old how important it is to put boundaries in place. I feel like 2024 has been all about growth and setting boundaries. 

I’ve had people set boundaries with me and I’ve had to put boundaries in place with people. People can push your buttons or at least try to see how far they can go and as nice as I am, I have to put a stop and let people know what my limits are. What’s that saying? “Even the nicest people have their limits”, I’ve always liked that saying and it rings true.

I didn’t get taught about boundaries growing up. It's one thing I wished my mum talked and taught me about, but I can’t go back in time, so here we are.

For me growing up I think it was just say yes to everything, cooperate even if you don’t want to do it. How are people going to perceive you if you say ‘no or please stop,  I don't like or appreciate that’.

I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do, and I don’t need to participate in things that I don’t want to participate in. If I hear someone talking about something or someone and I don’t want to take part, I don’t engage and sometimes I walk out of the room so I don’t hear anything.

These days I put my phone on ‘Do not disturb’ a lot. I never used to, but now it becomes a daily occurrence when I finish work for the day. This is a pretty big boundary for me. Why do I do it? Well, basically to disconnect. We as a society are on our phones so much, and it’s amazing to be able to connect with people through social media and see what people are up to through what they post. I’m very grateful for that, but the minute I’m able to put my phone down, I love it. It allows me to be more present instead of spending so much of my time scrolling for no reason. Essentially, it’s a way of giving myself a break from my phone and social media.

I also don’t have all my notifications turned on and that’s on purpose. Are you familiar with the app ‘WhatsApp?’. It’s a messaging app, along the same lines as messenger or Viber. 

WhatsApp is usually used more for work and work group chats, at least for me anyways. Occasionally I do send messages on there, but it’s kind of always been an app for group chats, especially when it comes to work, and you know what I end up doing, I mute them. If it’s urgent, I would say call me or message me on text. When someone messages me on WhatsApp, it won’t come up on my lock screen, but my phone will buzz, but with the message not coming up straight away, I’m not instantly inclined to look at my phone. Me putting a chat on mute isn’t personal, well sometimes it might be (look, I’m being honest), but most of the time, it’s just something I do to maintain my peace.

In addition to putting my phone on do not disturb and not having all my notifications on, I would say communication is definitely another way that has helped me set boundaries. One thing I’ve realised is that not everyone is going to be okay with what you say. You can say something and say it as a joke, but it might make someone feel some type of way. That has been a huge lesson for me recently. It does take me actually telling people what I’m comfortable with, instead of  just thinking that they already know, and vice versa. People don’t always know and that’s okay, but it does take me to actually say something. 

I think boundaries are healthy and necessary. I’m not setting them to be mean. It’s important to know when to draw the line, and one thing is for sure - I will do whatever it takes to protect my energy, and my peace.