Trust?

I wrote this as a caption on an instagram post:

Trust is important, but it’s been tricky. I don’t know that I have trust issues but I definitely find it hard to trust people, so is that the same thing?

Someone asked me a question.

“Why do you find it hard to trust people?”

The simple and short answer to this question is because their actions never reflect their words. Saying one thing and doing another, or not following through.

Something as simple as someone saying to me, “ I have a few things to buy, do you want to come with me?”. I say “Yeah, I’d love to”, and then they take someone else. It almost seems a little stupid that something like that would bother me, but it has.

There have been several occasions in my life where people have broken my trust, and I know a lot of people will read that sentence alone and be able to relate, so to you reading this - I feel you. You are definitely not alone.

What really bugs me is the whole messenger thing or messenger trail, you know what I’m talking about? When you tell someone something and ask them not to say anything but then next minute, everyone knows before you’ve had a chance to say something. Yeah, that’s annoying to me. I’m not saying there haven’t been occasions where I haven’t played the messenger. Of course, I’m not perfect and was in high school once, but I’m older now and know that it’s not acceptable. It’s just not the thing to do. 

If I tell you something in confidence, I should be able to trust that you won’t say anything, at least not until I’m ready to share. It’s not up for question. I understand that sometimes things slip out by accident, we’re all human and things happen, but I feel people need to do better and be more mindful about what they say, myself included. 

Another reason why I find it hard to trust people is because of the bullying I experienced in school. People can say horrible things, and they can really stick with you. I still have things that people have said to me in the back of my mind. At the time, I never really knew what people were going to say to me or what nasty comment someone would make about my looks and that’s why my trust in people wasn’t there. Trusting people in school was hard and it’s still hard today. I’ve just been burned quite a bit with people not keeping their promises and following through with what they say they are going to do, so yeah, I feel that’s why I find it hard not only trusting people, but opening up too. Sometimes I prefer to keep quiet.

It’s kind of like if you are not going to be a person of your word, then I don’t trust you. I trust myself and the process so that’s got to count for something, right? I also have a close-knit group of friends and a close family that I can talk to and that’s comforting to know.

Trusting people has never been easy for me and I don’t know if it’s supposed to be. I’m learning though and I’m trying, I’m really trying. I guess the only way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them. So, to be continued. Ask me again later.