WTF?!
Do you ever just think to yourself, ‘what the f**k am i doing?’... because same.
I think about this every day but I’ve been struggling with this more recently.
What am I doing?
Why am I doing this?
Why am I here?
I put an absorbent amount of pressure on myself and I know it. Pressure on myself to have it all figured out and it’s ridiculous. As positive as I am and try to be, it’s not easy and I definitely have my days where I don’t feel good, as I'm sure everyone does.
I’m very hard on myself and I always have been, and it’s funny because If I were to give my friends advice, I'd be like “be kind to yourself”, “don’t be so hard on yourself”, and look at what I’m doing. Clearly not the best at taking my own advice as I thought I was.
This past month, pretty much the beginning on the year, it felt like my mind was playing tricks on me. I’m fine and I know I’m going to be fine, but I would be at work, staring at my desktop looking at my emails, and just have no motivation to do anything. I don’t really know what it is and I'm sure reading this right now might be a little confusing because I’m still trying to grasp what IT is, and why I’m feeling like this. Is there something in my life that is missing? Am I feeling unfulfilled? I would sit at my desk and ask a bunch of questions and constantly putting my hands on my head thinking that the answer or solution would just magically come to me.
I know I am capable of so much and when I was at work, I’d be looking at what I have to do for the day and the week ahead, and I didn’t want to do it, and that was hard. I didn’t like feeling that way and I only ever want to give 110% into my job, so when I’m feeling down and unmotivated, it affects the work and it’s the last thing I want to happen.
I’ve always been inspired by quotes. I love seeing and reading positive and motivating words, especially when I’m having a bad day, so I think what could be a good idea is to put some quotes around my desk at work to give me a little more motivation to keep going.
I’m learning that worrying is a waste of time. I just need to enjoy the moment I’m in now and focus on being present, even if it’s not exactly what I want to be doing. Everything that I am going through now is setting me up for the future so I just have to trust and see the bigger picture. Where I’m at right now isn’t the end.
I think about the future and what I want to be doing long-term which I don’t think is a bad thing, but sometimes I’m so focused on what I want and where I want to end up that I don’t appreciate where I’m at now, and I’m trying to rush my own timeline.
I don’t think anyone really knows what they’re doing, but I’m sure they are trying their best in each moment that they are given, and that’s exactly what I have to do instead of worrying about what is going to come next.
I think what’ll help and what I’m going to start doing, is reminding myself what I am working towards; my goals, dreams and creating a life for myself that I love, that I’m proud of and that I can share with my loved ones.
Your 20s are awkward. I’m going to get through it, but not only that; I’m going to be amazing.